Background...who knows..who to tell...

In response to Sharin and Robbie Deol, who have asked whether I have told my husband, in-laws or parents about my dilemmas..I thought it best to give you a background on who knows and reactions etc! SO here it goes....

Who knows
Well to some extent or another my husband and my parents know. My husband knows pretty much everything as I do not believe in hiding the truth and if it was the other way round I would hope he would tell me if he was upset with anything my family has done...which he has told me.
My parents know to a certain extent - I do not tell them everything however over the years they themselves have noticed a few things - and that is all they know. I do not want to tell them to the full extent as they will worry about my happiness and that is not what I would like them to do.
My in-laws however do not know - as far as I can tell! I have never once said how I feel to them and never will I! (I know you are saying why...the reason will come below)

Reactions/Results
My parents will never do anything in the fear of making things worse. And I would never wantthem to, in the fear of them being hurt. I would rather they believed everything was fine. At the end of the day every parents fear is that their daughter has ended up in the wrong family.

Husband - you ask what his view is and whether he sticks up for me? I cannot answer this fully and maybe in time he will post his opinion. In my view and what I have seen - he sees what is going on, doesnt understand why his parents are being like this and not something he EVER expected from them. However what can he do? If he says something to his parents, they stop talking to him, they tell him he has taken my side and I have made him say these things and made him stand up for me, they think even more wrongly of me...does he want that? No! He is split between his wife and his parents...do I want that? No! Do I want him to stop talking to his parents? Never! So what can we Indian women expect our husbands to do? Either way they lose!
All I can say is in this day and age - why would people still have this mentality? Why do people believe all women are evil! Why are there people in this world who no matter what you do for them always see the negative side? Surely Life is just to short to be angry and if they took a good look at me they would realise that all I wantto be is a Daughter to them with no secret plans to take their boy away from them - if anything I want their Boy to look after them and be a MAN who will take care of both his parents and wife! Is it just a dream to be a happy family? They say thats what they want...yet they destroy it at the same time!

Who should decide?

Do you honour your husband? His parents? or yourself? I feel I am torn between what I want, what my husband wants and what his parents want from me! My parents and family don't even come to it...and its a shame...as with only 2 daughters is it right to leave them to their own devices..just cos they had girls! I have so many questions running through my mind at the moment I just don't know where to start and who to ask!!! Who does have the answers?? When does a girls life stop being her own and becoming the property of someone else? In this modern day is too much to expect to live your life the way you want to? And if it is someone elses property whose is it? Your husband or your in-laws?
This weekend the in-laws told us that as the eldest we should be taking on more responsibility and therefore less for them to do...and I agree and always have done...however the problem is not in the idea but in the method by which it should be conducted. How is one supposed to take responsibility of a house if you don't actually live there...and they don't actually want you to live there!! I am quite happy to move in with them..but they don't want us too! However, they do want me to cook lunch and dinner, help with cleaning, do the shopping etc...but they will not tell me when or how! I am meant to GUESS! So if on a Saturday I get there at 10am..lunch may already be ready...but I will get bad marks for not being there...even if MIL told me she wasn't making it until 11! Or if I go there and want to leave early as husband wants to go out...and MIL does the curtains after...how am I meant to know? Is that fair? For me a relationship works two ways...give and take! Surely, MIL can call me and say lets cook at 11am and we will make xxx...or I want to go shopping today..what time will you be free? Is it too much to ask? I have never been able to guess what my mum wants to do...so how can I be expected to know what in-laws want to do if they don't tell me? I have a million questions...each one with no answer? Should it be one big Guessing game? Surely thats not how life is supposed to be lived!