Who should decide?

Do you honour your husband? His parents? or yourself? I feel I am torn between what I want, what my husband wants and what his parents want from me! My parents and family don't even come to it...and its a shame...as with only 2 daughters is it right to leave them to their own devices..just cos they had girls! I have so many questions running through my mind at the moment I just don't know where to start and who to ask!!! Who does have the answers?? When does a girls life stop being her own and becoming the property of someone else? In this modern day is too much to expect to live your life the way you want to? And if it is someone elses property whose is it? Your husband or your in-laws?
This weekend the in-laws told us that as the eldest we should be taking on more responsibility and therefore less for them to do...and I agree and always have done...however the problem is not in the idea but in the method by which it should be conducted. How is one supposed to take responsibility of a house if you don't actually live there...and they don't actually want you to live there!! I am quite happy to move in with them..but they don't want us too! However, they do want me to cook lunch and dinner, help with cleaning, do the shopping etc...but they will not tell me when or how! I am meant to GUESS! So if on a Saturday I get there at 10am..lunch may already be ready...but I will get bad marks for not being there...even if MIL told me she wasn't making it until 11! Or if I go there and want to leave early as husband wants to go out...and MIL does the curtains after...how am I meant to know? Is that fair? For me a relationship works two ways...give and take! Surely, MIL can call me and say lets cook at 11am and we will make xxx...or I want to go shopping today..what time will you be free? Is it too much to ask? I have never been able to guess what my mum wants to do...so how can I be expected to know what in-laws want to do if they don't tell me? I have a million questions...each one with no answer? Should it be one big Guessing game? Surely thats not how life is supposed to be lived!