So, here it goes a new year a new decade...yet the same old story for me!
Nothing has changed and even when I know I havent done anything wrong - somehow my Father-in-law makes it wrong! Celebrate husbands birthday the way he wants to - then I didnt think about them and that they deserve to be included! Work extra hours as I need to further my career - then I am never at home, yet they want money from us? Will I ever be right? Will I ever feel that my actions won't be questioned?
However, today what has hurt me the most is how my parents are getting the blame for everything! If what we do is wrong, then my parents must have taught me. If we dont go and see them - then my parents must be like that! If husband comes to see my parents - then me and my parents must have forced him to see them!!!!
I'm sorry - I can handle everything that is thrown my way - but not when it comes to my parents! My parents are my idols! What my mum has done for us and her in-laws is what I have learnt and instilled in me as my morals and duties. From the way my parents love each other and show affection to the way they respect and look after each others parents. YET to this day my FIL believes THEY are sly to try and take us away from him!!
My in-laws have made my parents cry, have abused them in front of me, have said all sorts behind their back and yet I have not said anything! But should I stay quiet? Am I not disrespecting my parents by staying quiet? I dont care if my FIL tells me off, thinks I'm evil but when he says its my parents fault thats when my blood boils - and today it is at its brim where I am so close to telling him exactly what I think - the only thing stopping me is fear of what it will do to my husband! What do I do??
If it was the other way round, would my husband stand up for his parents? Should I as the woman even dream of standing up for my parents? Do I have that right? Is it becase we dont have a brother that my in-laws can get away with it? or is it because they are the girls parents that my in-laws believe they can say as they like as who will care?
ARGH!!!
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I've just read your post, and honestly this is heartbreaking. It sounds as though you're taking the brunt of a controlling bully. I have a MIL/FIL who are both absolute nutcases and wracked my brains for 8 years wondering how to go about them the right way, thinking it was all my fault etc. One day I had enough, and haven't spoken to them in over a year and never will again (they did something toward the end that is utterly unforgiveable but will not get into it)
ReplyDeleteI would strongly advise you to speak to your husband first, tell him that you'd like to stand up for your family and yourself and tell him you'd like him to support you. Could you talk to your family about it as well?
Would you accept that treatment from your husband? From your own family? I don't know much about traditional Indian beliefs, but I know that nobody deserves to put up with mistreatment and abuse. It can consume your life and eat you up. I really hope it works out and you can have a peaceful relationship with your inlaws. Good luck
Dear friend ( i hope you don't mind me calling you that) i know what you've been going through is really like tough and bad, i may be quite inexperienced in comparison to you but what i think is whenever your in laws say anything bad about your parents confront them and tell them politely that you don't really like listening these things coz just imagine the time when you were unmarried or even now when anyone says anything bad about you yours parents will not feel good about it and will obviously talk to that person about his comment on you. They are your parents they have given you birth, listening to anything that is against or bad about them is just so unjustified......
ReplyDeleteI don't know whether this will help but you can try this as a part of your duty towards them......